"I can't help it, that's just how I feel..." Well, that's not good enough! You are in charge, even in charge of your feelings. That may sound harsh, but being in charge of your feelings in large measure decides how successful you are.
Yes, I know. Feelings can't be helped. Sometimes they just come, don't they? In fact, they pretty much do so all the time. Of course there's no simple answer. However, maybe we're not so much a victim of feelings after all?!
Feelings and emotions are a direct result of how we perceive the world around us. For instance, let's say a colleague turns to you and says: "Aren't you turning a little fat and out of shape?" Would that trigger feelings? What if there was a way to filter and help us steer those feelings in a desired direction even before any type of stimulus is allowed to trigger them?
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We have good news for you. Such a filter does exist. It's readily available to us. All we have to do is apply it. For the sake of keeping it simple we've divided the subject into three parts. There are three different types of stimuli that trigger feelings and emotions. We call these stimuli "sources of energy". Every kind of stimulus is a form of energy. Had it not been energy, it would not have reached us in the first place. | |||||||||||
Energy can be witnessed all around us, but most energy (if not all) is invisible. Invisible or not, these energies broadcast their messages to us through what we might call channels. Let's briefly consider each of these three groups of channels.
Passion
Passion is energy from within. The first channel through which we receive inbound energy and powerful stimulus is from the inside and ourselves. One example of this kind of energy could be "self talk". All of us have a constant conversation going with ourselves. What messages are you giving yourself? Is there a way to filter self talk and be in charge?
Connection
Connection is energy from others. Another channel through which we receive energy is from the people around us. Did you ever distinguish between so-called good and bad vibes from someone? Of course you did. Having a conversation with any person allows us to pick up signals, but a lot of times we misinterpret them. What kind of stimulus are you experiencing from other people? Are you always correct in your interpretation of what they're passing on? And for that matter, do you think they always consciously know what signals the sending you?
Intuition
Intuition is energy from other sources. Maybe a largely underestimated channel is the stimulus we receive from undefined and unknown sources. Did you ever experience a sudden but powerful impression? How does it feel when a groundbreaking idea just hits your brain. Just the fact that it can leave as quickly as it came appears to me as evidence that it's indeed from the outside. Did you ever sense that there is more than just ourselves and the people around us that influences us?
Pick any book on sales, influence, communication, negotiation or even "success" in general, and you'll see that it's about at least one of these three channels. 3E is about mastering all three channels of influence.
Do you want to know how each of these can give you greater control of your emotional life? Do you want to know how they influence the people around you - your family, colleagues, customers? Passion, Connection and Intuition work both ways. That's when the subject gets interesting! Make sure to subscribe to this blog and read my comments about each of those channels coming soon.
Much has been written about success, maybe almost to an excess, thus possibly making "success" unclear and difficult. Is there not a way to keep it short and to the point? There is! This blog post answers - simply - those two questions sought after by so many: 1) What is success, and 2) what does it take to be successful?
What is success?
The core of success is threefold:
- Discovering what you want - PASSION
- Consistently working with others to get it - CONNECTION
- Refining skills and application of principles to adjust to reality - INTUITION
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When applied, each step quickly becomes a cyclical pattern that ever brings us to higher levels. Once you've visited each of them, maybe step 1 transforms into "discovering what you should want", step 2 into "working with others to get what they want" and step 3 into realising that you actually "enjoy the journey of development itself" ...and so it keeps lifting you and those around you to higher, continually greater, satisfaction and self awareness.
Whoever is rich, famous or even dramatically gifted may not be successful at all! Success is a process, not a final destination. Thus, people may find sudden superfluous "success" without the required process, only to find neither the happiness nor the satifsfaction they expected.
And here's the icing on the cake: Success becomes increasingly more generic the more you experience it. We gradually sense that the essence of success looms much higher than money and "the things of this world". Ultimately, success is freedom from external conditions and is more a feeling and awareness than anything else. Wealth may be, and sometimes is, an outward expression of something that was created inside long before it became visible on the outside.
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Interestingly, not only do Passion, Connection and Intuition define success. Passion, Connection and Intuition also explain how we can be successful.
What does it take to have success?
PASSION
More important than anything else is an inside drive to withstand opposition and natural tendencies. When you decide to have success (in any specified way) you're instantly faced with breaking out of old patterns. Passion helps you stay at it!
CONNECTION
We need to find individuals that not only can help pull us in the right direction, but who also care about us enough that they actually will. The world is interdependent and there's no other way than to succeed with others. Connection binds us together!
INTUITION
Success does not immediately pay off. This is the nature of big worthwhile achievements. It takes time! Doing small and simple yet significant daily actions takes discipline. Acquiring skills takes discipline, and discipline takes skill. However, listening to the inside voice is ultimately what really makes the leap to tipping-point results. It's knowing that you didn't do it on your own - not even together with others. Intuition does exactly that!
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Conclusion
Success is best summarized in three words: Passion, Connection, Intuition. They tell us both what success is and how it can be achieved.
PASSION is energy coming from the inside. CONNECTION is energy shared between us. INTUITION is energy coming from the outside and the unknown.
Passion, Connection and Intuition are each a type of energy - they are the 3 Energies (3E). 3E is what success is all about. In this setting they are especially applied to sales and influence, but eventually they apply to every aspect of life.
If you want to truly connect with people and become influential, you need to master what we call the Opinional Dialog. A lot of sales people believe Connection is about building rapport. Well, it certainly is a lot more than that. How do we start connecting the right way?
In -- any type of conversation -- communication takes place on at least three levels. We refer to these three levels of communication as dialogs. For a conversation to be successful each of these dialogs need to be running in sync, i.e. they need to carry messages that are aligned with each other - they need to correspond. If they don't correspond, the other person will be hearing conflicting signals. When we send out conflicting signals influential power is lost.
One of these three dialogs is the Opinional Dialog, which is foundational to establishing efffective connections.
Three levels of communication each unleashing energy through which information flows
As the above model illustrates the Opinional Dialog is the type of dialog that makes up the second level. This means that it's dependent on the first level - the Operational Dialog - which precedes it. What does this mean? Simply put, one cannot really have a good second level dialog without having the first level dialog in place. Why?
...because the 3E levels deal with:
- What both parties perceive about your POSITION (level 1)
- Who you TRUST and who they TRUST (level 2)
- How WORDS and SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES run in sync with position and trust (level 3)
Let's quickly illustrate with an extremely simplified example:
| You make a second call to a potential account: "Peter, I was just speaking with Bob, and he told me the two of us should talk about the challenges you're facing with..." (Bob is the CEO to whom Peter reports) | ||||||||
What you've just communicated to Peter may be heard and perceived by him as: "You're ranking higher than me - being equal to Bob, my superior. However, you consider me an important part of solving the problems Bob wants to have solved."
In other words, whatever you say after this may more easily allow you to establish a relationship with Peter because he's open and ready to listen. We're aiming for higher communication levels where it's safer to exchange feelings and honest opinions. That's the basic paradigm of the Opinional Dialog. It's where opinions are freely exchanged without manipulation.
Note the basic principle of how communication on one level necessarily precedes another.
To summarize: Operational Dialogs (level 1) lead to Passion, meaning it triggers a sincere interest and opens up the other channels of Connection and Intuition. Therefore, before Connection can be established Passion first needs to be in place. If we try to change the order, building a relationship of trust will be very difficult to do.
Asking WHO
The Opinional Dialog is about asking and working with WHO:
- Who has influence on (e.g. final decision)?
- Who needs what we have to offer?
- Who understands our message?
- etc
Once we've answered the WHO-questions we're ready to build a good relationship with the right people.
Next time I'll say more about the third level of communication where we move into HOW by more closely scrutinizing words and phrases. This is when language -- finally -- begins to matter. What traditional sales training usually tends to focus on as "the real deal", The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success merely lists as number three and of least importance.
Successful sales people deliver excellent results regardless of recession or not!
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I've been around long enough to see what makes the difference. Even though the market may be in an actual downward slope, some of us still deliver outstanding results. Why?
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As a student years ago I majored in Finance and got my Masters degree in Influence Management, but this education makes little sense when everyone starts complaining about the market. I've witnessed great sales people drop like flies! The difference lies in knowing how to find business and then to maneuver in such a way that you become the most attractive alternative.
A year ago I wrote a blog post that introduces the subject of how the best sales people are flexible enough to adapt smoothly to circumstance. It will lead you to other blog posts that tell you more about how to be successful in spite of external conditions. It's not a secret!
In June this year we began organizing what is now known as a worldwide group of Elite Sales Professionals. Today we are more than 1.000 high performers and a powerful group of competent people. LinkedIn serves as the initial connection and meeting point, but it will soon be complimented by smart online solutions. These solutions will allow members three basic privileges:
- An evolutionary collaboration model for tipping-point results
- A network of quality people to visualize business opportunities
- An online framework to innovate new money generation activities
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The current group definition reads: "High performing sales people with experience in strategy and positioning, network and relations as well as pure skills and customer centric concepts such as innovation and product development. Trustworthy and competent professionals able to create value balancing people with business and money."
Once we've reached critical mass and the beta versions of the online solutions are in place, the Expert Panel behind this group will introduce a second round of qualification. This is when we'll experience the long planned "explosion" of the quality network we're only witnessing the small beginnings of today. Let me assure you; the Expert Panel is not without ambition with this worldwide undertaking! (And yes, the Expert Panel is yet to be formally introduced.)
Taking notes is not a common habit or lifestyle. Taking notes is in fact rarely seen spontaneously among people being trained or even while sitting in meetings. That's very unfortunate - for them - for those sharing their intelligence and energy - maybe even mostly for those not present. Why? ...and what happens when people take notes?
Taking notes is one of many forms of interactive rhythm. Let's just briefly consider three elements of "notes taking" as a subject, and then our own contemplation may help us discover more than what this short post can contain:
(1) Taking notes to improve dialog
When people take notes you can quickly spot a difference in attentiveness and concentration, openness and sharing, innovation and creativity, participation and dialog, involvement and ownership, ability to learn and apply and many other traits crucial to interaction that will lead to change and results.
(2) Taking notes the right way
Learning how to take notes is therefore a major competency few are aware of or ever learn. We take different kinds of notes in different kinds of settings. (My next post will be about taking notes in a sales meeting.). When taking notes is done well, the value increases dramatically and we feel a strong desire to keep them safe from harms way or loss.
(3) Taking notes to extend memory and feelings
Taking care of notes is important for safekeeping of new learning, discoveries*, commitments and maybe most important - the feelings and emotions we have. When was the last time you wrote down what you felt or what impressions you had besides what was actually being said e.g. in a meeting? Can you imagine why that would be important?
Good notes taking extends our memory. Strictly personal notes and the more profound "lessons of life" - I think - should be kept in a journal. Individuals who actively write and keep a journal appear to be more mature. Maybe it is because it leads to a kind of constant therapeutic exercise and self evaluation that's healthy for all of us. It increases self awareness.
So many times we make the greatest discoveries while we venture to write down in words what we just discovered. Spot the pattern of your notes during the past year. Where are they? Do you browse through them sometimes? Are they in a safe place? Will they be available in 5 or 10 years?
(4) Taking notes to influence others
The habit and principle of taking notes will enhance your lifestyle in ways you cannot understand until you actually start doing it. It's interactive rhythm and will - over time - add to your ability to be more persuasive, yes, even charismatic! Without further ado or elaboration, I am today who and what I am, very much because of the notes my closest peers took while I was not there. Consider what your notes may some day do for someone else.
I encourage you to a) carry a notepad with you, b) think through what and how you will write and then c) work on the habit of constantly doing it. Take notes!
* Ideas and discoveries disappear usually as quickly as they appear. Having a notebook handy always is as valuable as the impressions you may want to retain.
O®O is powerful and practical. To illustrate what the 3E dialogs are about, I've put together a number of samples. This first sample is "Finding Rhythm":
1st dialog: Operational
Suppose you've been feeling guilty for not getting regular exercise. At some point you decide to pull yourself together and get back into it. The moment that feeling drives you to actually start running, swimming, biking, walking or other type of concrete action, the first dialog that's been going on for a while becomes visible.
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(Energy triggered from Operational dialog: PASSION) | |
2nd dialog: Opinional
Once we recommit to regular exercise we may decide to share it with friends that are supportive. This sharing with others leaves you vulnerable as they are getting to know something about your personal struggles. It may feel risky, but it helps you stay on course.
Many of us muster strength to begin something great, but few of us turn good intentions into a lifestyle. One significant way to reach higher commitment is by including other people in our quest. A friend, spouse or colleague may be of great help when you decide to make radical change - even though it may seem very small or insignificant. It is when we commit to another, a group or to the public in general that we find strength beyond our own. Too few of us make use of this!
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(Energy triggered from Opinional dialog: CONNECTION) | |
3rd dialog: Optimal
Even help and support from others is not enough! When reality hits in, when you're gasping for air, when you're body hurts and when strength is gone most of us simply quit. Maybe not instantly, but over time, let's face it, we give up. Is regular exercise a lifestyle or does it tend to "come and go"? If it's no lifestyle, but rather a haphazard project, then you're not seriously tapping into the third dialog which could be e.g. "finding rythm".
Every successful individual has reached the stage where a distinct pattern reveals itself - over time. It's a kind of rhythm. When you run, you find that running in sync with your breathing helps. That's what we might call a "micro rhythm". A macro rhythm would be your running every day, every other day or even just once a week. Rhythm can be a lot of different things. Most fascinating of all, rhythm is only truly understood by those who keep pressing on. It can indeed be challenging to explain rhythm within a particular field of expertise to an outsider simply because some of it will remain concealed until the two first dialogs are in place!
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(Energy triggered from Optimal dialog: INTUITION) | |
Each stage is a dialog - internal and external. These dialogs apply to EVERY aspect of life, but in this setting we especially have the perspective and interest of helping sales people improve performance. Staying in physical shape is but an example of principles that apply everywhere.
Each dialog revisited
Once you've been through each dialog, a continuing spiral comes into effect, leading you to revisit each dialog at a consistent basis, but every time in a more profound way:
- (Revisiting Operational) e.g. building a culture or tradition - pass it on to others
- (Revisiting Opinional) e.g. becoming inspiring and an example to others
- (Revisiting Optimal) e.g. innovating new ways to improve
So I'm sometimes asked: "What are the benefits of 3E?"
(The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success)
In stead of giving the so-called full version, every so often I challenge them by declaring: "Once you've grasped the basic consept of 3E:
- you'll never read another book on communication or success the same way again.
- you'll never again be subject to receiving training without understanding the big picture. Now you'll be able to extract the essence and get seriously good results.
- as a manager you'll never lead again without knowing what needs to be addressed and how it should be done.
- as a coach or instructor you'll know better how to educate effectively and continually improve yourself as a coach from that point onwards."
These are just four examples I quickly mention. Of course the response is: "How come, then..? What is it that 3E does for me?"
| ...and here's the answer to what 3E does: At any given moment there are always three conversations running at the same time. It's kind of like a radio; in stead of only tuning in on one wavelength at a time, you'll now receive messages from three different channels simultaneously. Three frequencies at the same time could be confusing, but not if you had the ability to "listen" to the first channel, gently "observe" the second channel and let's say "taste or smell" the third channel. |
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We're suggesting that once you're able to see and perceive the three dialogs, you'll also be able to feel and observe the persuasive energy that's flowing from these three types of conversations. (It may sound strange to use the word "energy", but that's the best term we found for it.) Once you understand and recognize the dialogs and energies you'll be able to speak all three "languages". When you do, you'll immediately begin to influence - on three levels - what really matters in order to convince the people you desperately need to reach. What are these three levels?
- What both parties perceive about your POSITION
- Who you TRUST and who they TRUST
- How WORDS and SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES run in sync with position and trust...
...to become truly persuasive.
Of course "these three in one" is a major subject or undertaking, but that's what this blog is all about, as well as the book itself, The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success. We've been at it for 8 years, now. Suffice it to say at this point, each of the three areas above represent "the end in mind". They are not something you just do, but rather the end result of doing everything the right way. THAT'S what 3E does!
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Influence is helping others discover both who they are and what they are able to do.
Influence is not persuasion, but rather the ability to trigger a desire to be persuaded by being included in self talk.
Influence is the art of wanting to help, but knowing help can mostly not be given - want to teach, but knowing education is mostly not ours to give.
Influence is changing the world of another person in such a way that actions follow, empowering them to have greater control over their lives.
Influence is stirring up thoughts, feelings and emotions causing either spontaneous reactions or carefully considered alternative courses of action.
Influence is being instrumental in the way someone perceives the world, leaving them more determined and motivated to execute around clearer paradigms and goals.
Influence is you. You just didn't know how much influence you have and can have.
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One way to make the paramount and ultimate focus stand out clearly could be by asking: What is the purpose of selling? Why are we doing what we do? The purpose of selling and the heart of the matter in one word is COMMITMENT. To be precise; reaching a mutually desired and binding commitment.
Thus, sales training should, if done well, ultimately only focus on how this objective can be achieved. Usually I'm quite flexible when it comes to discussing whatever there is to learn, but in this area I'm confident and fixed. Sales models, strategies, skills and all else - at the end of the day - are only tools and procedures to help build the commitment. (Notice I did not say "get the commitment". A commitment is an experience, a feeling, a determination and a risk that we share.)
That's why it's so important to understand that the most solid commitments are "mutual and emotional". The only path to such commitments is through shared feelings. Shared feelings are an exchange of energy. Here's yet another reason why the realization of how influence is energy is so crucial!
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