Take a 30 second time-out. Ask yourself this question: Why am I working so hard?

Don't hesitate! Listen to yourself. The first thought that comes to mind may surprise you. It sometimes is honest and the real reason.

In my experience, though, most people find it difficult to be honest, even with themselves. We hide deeply inside what really drives us and matters most. If you give it a second thought, I can almost guarantee you'll find two answers: You're not really giving it your all ...because there's something else you want more, really! Someone ought to give you a kick, and that someone is you. Level with yourself, be honest. Answer the WHY!

What is it really that we're doing? (Pause and think!)

It's a question that has moved almost every successful business to where it is today. Although "what" seems to be the ultimate beginning, there is in fact a question that precedes it. The question that drives anyone to asking "what" is "why". And "why" is by far the most powerful motivation. Why? Because "why" is about purpose.

The reason I love being involved with sales people is because they are nearly always measured on performance. Other departments and teams often miss out on clear guidelines for when they are successful.

Measuring performance does something to people - and when done correctly it's powerful and good. Quite frequently I deal with companies that are poor on measuring performance, but the sales department mostly has an underlying culture of accountability and reporting. Let's state it as clearly as possible: You'll never get peak performance without accountability and regular reporting:

Reporting deals with "what". It focuses on numbers and statistics of something we've chosen to measure. Reporting is but a tool. Accountability is the real issue. It's the fundamental feeling of being responsible. Guess what accountability deals with? You're right, it deals with "why". Here's the key to peak performance:

In my experience, the majority of sales people know perfectly WHAT to do, they know WHO to contact and they even know skillfully HOW to do it, but they perform only half heartedly. In fact, even the best sales people are only moving "half the speed of their full potential". What's missing is the WHY. When WHY falls into place, suddenly there's an instant and visible shift in tempo. Maybe you have to see it to believe it..? It's striking and scary all at once!

If you find yourself somehow being in charge of motivating people, you've got to be an expert on the WHY. How do we go about helping team members find individual and collective answers to WHY? If you want to know more about this critical subject, stay tuned for my next blog post ;-)

In many ways, we're almost like a battery. What happens to a battery that is put to active use?

Active use means regular charging and constant employ. This helps retain the capacity of the battery. Strangely enough, "saving" a battery by only sporadically charging and discharging it is equal to poor maintenance. We're the same way. If we want to be high-energy peak performers, we don't need to "always be working hard", but we do need to be mindful of how we invest our strength. This will determine whether we are renewing ourselves or shutting down / unplugging completely. Too often, relaxation slows down momentum and becomes counterproductive. We think we get more energy, but in reality it only adds to our exhaustion.

No matter what we do, every single activity will either boost our energy or drain us. I once listed some examples of activities that either increase or decrease our energy levels. Here are the examples I listed - and I emphasize - they're only examples that are generally true:

Remember, it's not about rest or recreation per se. The key is to steer away from activities that have the appearance of "rest", but that produce results contrary to what we want: More energy, motivation and stamina!

In many ways, we're almost like a battery. What happens to a battery that is put to active use?

Active use means regular charging and constant employ. This helps retain the capacity of the battery. Strangely enough, "saving" a battery by only sporadically charging and discharging it is equal to poor maintenance. We're the same way. If we want to be high-energy peak performers, we don't need to "always be working hard", but we do need to be mindful of how we invest our strength. This will determine whether we are renewing ourselves or shutting down / unplugging completely. Too often, relaxation slows down momentum and becomes counterproductive. We think we get more energy, but in reality it only adds to our exhaustion.

No matter what we do, every single activity will either boost our energy or drain us. I once listed some examples of activities that either increase or decrease our energy levels. Here are the examples I listed - and I emphasize - they're only examples that are generally true:

Remember, it's not about rest or recreation per se. The key is to steer away from activities that have the appearance of "rest", but that produce results contrary to what we want: More energy, motivation and stamina!

It's not really a big secret. I've seen people work a lot harder for a little recognition than for bonuses and money. And get this, money doesn't always motivate, but recognition - when given the right way - is a sure winner. On a scale from 1 to 10, recognition may not be a 10, but it clearly scores higher and more accurately than monetary rewards. Where does that leave us?

Last week I asked: Is recognition from others important? The poll quickly returned 43 responses, giving us the following statistics:

The outcome was in fact highly predictable. In round numbers, only 13% believe it's "not critical" and 4% believe it's "not important". However, I was anxious to know more about the group of people who believe recognition does matter. What I wanted to test was: How many are maybe "cynically" inclined to consider recognition as merely a tool to increase performance, getting what they want from others..? as opposed to, how many actually acknowledge our deep need for recognition as humans?

Recognition is not just what you say

Recognition only comes across when it's sincere - everybody knows that - quite intuitively so. When trust is low, talk's cheap. What you say has no real power. However, what logically follows, most people tend to forget; recognition is not so much what you say, but ten times doubly more so what you behave. And what messages do we pass on through our behavior? You're right again - it's emotional - what we truly feel inside is what comes across. What does this mean?

Recognition is not how they feel, but how you feel

It means, when we feel good about someone, we automatically behave in such a way that those positive feelings are conveyed to that other person. Whatever you decide to call it - body language, atmosphere, chemistry... The question isn't "how can I help that other person feel good about him or herself". It's completely the other way around: "How can I feel good about that person, in such a way that I will communicate on the subliminal level messages that support what that person already perceives about him or herself; that he or she is a valuable person with great talents and abilities"? In short, how can I work with my own feelings to be filled with postive emotions toward that particular person?

Recognition strikes when it underscores a positive self image

To obtain such a required change (and really - it's the only way), we need to be sensitive to how the other person perceives him or herself - to see and understand their world. It's not logical, it's psychological. We need to interpret people more correctly, i.e. see their behavior and performance from their point of view.

You see, that's what recognition is. Recognition is not you telling them something they didn't know. No, recognition is finding in others what they long before recognized about themselves already. That need to be recognized by someone else for who they believe they are and what they are truly capable of is the reassurance they seek in others to prove to themselves that they were right about "the I am" all along. All people have kind of an internal struggle and conversation going on inside, saying "I'm good, I'm great, I can do this..." When their surroundings agree with what they believe about themselves, then it must be true... and behavior to prove it follows. That's when recognition hits home; when people not only pick up your positive message, but when they actually believe in it themselves.

We need to help answer the deepest questions that are most important to people: Whether they matter, whether or not they are important and give them reassurance that they are valuable, that they have purpose and that they can make a difference. If you do that, then people will love and respect you. That's when you release energy in such a way that performance outperforms what the critics thought was impossible.

My hope is that managers and leaders of businesses will not only artificially supply their employees and colleagues with insincere compliments, but that they will understand the deep needs that they can fulfill in others. Recognition is not just a compliment - recognition not only can make a big difference in performance. Recognition can make a difference for life!

...or better yet: How important is it to be recognized by someone senior to yourself? It could be your parents, your boss, someone you admire, a renowned expert, in the media, on the web or simply by a crowd of people that knows who you are and with whom you spend much of your time?

That's what this quick poll is about. Provided you're a LinkedIn user already, this will only take three clicks to respond to.

See what others have said about the importance of recognition and check if your respons is in line with the majority of people "out there".

Are you a successful person? That might be a difficult question to answer, and our response may vary depending on what we have in mind, too. At times we all like to think that we're successful. However, when we're at a low point, and everybody hits rock bottom sometimes, we may feel like failures. What is the true measure of success?

Success can be measured in many ways. Yet, if we are to go to the heart of the matter, it's really not that difficult. Success lies in people. Other people. Of course we can be successful as an individual, but essential to any success is our relationship with and dependence - or rather interdependence - on other people.

If other people is the deciding factor of success, then sooner or later we need to understand two most basic facts: 1) Each person is unique. Success is built one person at a time. 2) People require constant effort. We may have a great relationship with someone, but unless we respect and nurture the connection, the relationship will quickly deteriorate and become counterproductive and hurtful.

When I do training I always find one of the most rewarding moments when people begin to realize the power of one-on-one. In fact, I try not to highlight our company name too forcefully when in a training seesion. Why? Because, at a certain point during interaction, someone inevitably says something like this: "So what you're saying is - influencing one person at a time is much more effective than trying to convince two or more at the same time?" That's when it's fun to remind them of our company name.

The following quote is so fitting in this respect:

It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses. (Dag Hammarskjold, Past Secretary-General of the UN - quoted by Stephen R. Covey.)

When we concentrate on individuals we have a real chance of practicing long lasting influence. It is when true influence reaches one person at a time that the masses are set in motion through the ripple effect of "the one-on-one principle". One-on-one is the true measure of success!

I can tell you what your problem is...

Whatever challenge you face, it begins and ends with your degree of influence. When you fail it is because you are not quite as influential as you need to be. On the other hand, when you succeed it is because you exercised influence to such a degree that things fell into place. There's really nothing more to be said. Influence is what it's all about!

So what is influence and how do you get it, or rather, how do you exercise and increase it?

Of course, there's no simple answer to this paramount question. Yet, there is a lot be learned and when we understand some basic principles, influence may dramatically increase and help us accomplish great results. First, it's important to see how influence operates on three levels:

1. Personal
   • Personal influence (i.e. productive ability) results in private victories.
2. Interpersonal
   • Interpersonal influence (i.e. persuasive ability) results in public victories.
3. Intergenerational (or systematical)
   • Intergenerational influence (i.e. sensitive ability) results in historic and permanent victories (breaking with old patterns.)

										The ultimate kind of influence seems to be somehow evidenced by "an improvement in the subsequent generation(s)".   Consider for a moment people who have changed the course of history. Whereas not all of them left a name and fame for good, we may learn significant lessons from what they did. Two characteristics stand out:
Chores: Washing the car or affecting a clean mind?

1) We usually tend to quite easily class them as either heroes or traitors. 2) Not all heroes are recognized by the masses, but they each have a faithful following.

Lessons to be learned..? All influence represents the sowing of a seed and eventually the fruits are judged by those who witness them as either good or bad. Also, not all good influence is recognized by many, but they always affect a growing awareness by those who enjoy the fruits.

Note: If intergenerational influence, the highest form of influence, is anything remotely close to success - the real and lasting success of life - then success may not be what you initially think it is.

For this reason we provide our fast growing community with an understanding of the 3 Energies to:

• help you more successfully reach others with a message
  ...when selling, influencing, negotiating, mediating, counseling - in short, effective influence in every setting.

• avoid quick-fix techniques and manipulation
  Since it's possible and tempting to abuse (persuasive) power we help influential people to understand that true and lasting - long term - persuasion, indeed conviction, is dependent on applying correct principles.

• bring structure to all existing sales models and theories to get to action
  Thousands of books and hundreds of sales models can each increase performance, but with the big picture in place we visualize and clarify actionable principles. Theory is nothing! Action is everything! But power to execute does, however, come from healthy and sound theory.

• leverage excellence by liberating individual and collective talent
  The most frightening loss in sales people is the lack of personal talent and energy. What does it take to remove the barriers that keep individuals and teams from blossoming and bring out what they already have inside?

Conclusion

The highest form of influence is filled with purpose and consequently is the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of interaction. The most powerful influence always enters the scene when we work on the highest and third level:

Just like when children doing their chores are building a character more than doing whatever else they do, everything we do can have a higher, more rewarding purpose and lasting effect. Ask yourself: How can I influence others to achieve a more honorable objective? How can we influence influential people by not just selling to make a living, but mastering influence to make a life ...one person at a time?

Influence is energy. In turn, energy can be divided into three different kinds. The 3E blog is about The 3 Energies which explain the one thing that really matters - INFLUENCE.

Principles are often best shared by means of a story or analogy. Here's one that offers depth to the value of individuals and how the fruits of networking are but a fringe benefit of what really matters: Caring for others!

Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. "Pardon, O King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?" The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go.

Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap. Tied down by strong ropes the Mouse heard the Lion's roar. Coming to its rescue and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, immediately it went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.

When freed, the Mouse said to the Lion: "You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me no repayment for your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."

From a sales perspective, Aesop provides us with a great number of lessons. Some of these may be:

• Never abuse power when you are in a position to do so. Only realize your position allows you to offer mercy you yourself need more than whoever you are offering it to.

• Never be intimidated by the power or authority of others. Only realize that some time in the future roles may be reversed.

• People have value regardless of who they are. Positions have no impact on success in the long run,

• ...but you never know who's who around the next bend.

• Ignore every indication of relative importance among humans,

• ...but maintain a clear view of how the world around you perceives rank and importance.

It is when you rise above, that you begin to grow your ability to influence influential people, becoming one yourself.

I found a charming multimedia presentation on the Lion and the mouse fable. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did?

If you want to truly connect with people and become influential, you need to master what we call the Opinional Dialog. A lot of sales people believe Connection is about building rapport. Well, it certainly is a lot more than that. How do we start connecting the right way?

In -- any type of conversation -- communication takes place on at least three levels. We refer to these three levels of communication as dialogs. For a conversation to be successful each of these dialogs need to be running in sync, i.e. they need to carry messages that are aligned with each other - they need to correspond. If they don't correspond, the other person will be hearing conflicting signals. When we send out conflicting signals influential power is lost.

One of these three dialogs is the Opinional Dialog, which is foundational to establishing efffective connections.

Three levels of communication each unleashing energy through which information flows

As the above model illustrates the Opinional Dialog is the type of dialog that makes up the second level. This means that it's dependent on the first level - the Operational Dialog - which precedes it. What does this mean? Simply put, one cannot really have a good second level dialog without having the first level dialog in place. Why?

...because the 3E levels deal with:

1. What both parties perceive about your POSITION (level 1)
2. Who you TRUST and who they TRUST (level 2)
3. How WORDS and SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES run in sync with position and trust (level 3)

Let's quickly illustrate with an extremely simplified example:

What you've just communicated to Peter may be heard and perceived by him as: "You're ranking higher than me - being equal to Bob, my superior. However, you consider me an important part of solving the problems Bob wants to have solved."

In other words, whatever you say after this may more easily allow you to establish a relationship with Peter because he's open and ready to listen. We're aiming for higher communication levels where it's safer to exchange feelings and honest opinions. That's the basic paradigm of the Opinional Dialog. It's where opinions are freely exchanged without manipulation.

Note the basic principle of how communication on one level necessarily precedes another.

To summarize: Operational Dialogs (level 1) lead to Passion, meaning it triggers a sincere interest and opens up the other channels of Connection and Intuition. Therefore, before Connection can be established Passion first needs to be in place. If we try to change the order, building a relationship of trust will be very difficult to do.

Asking WHO

The Opinional Dialog is about asking and working with WHO:

• Who has influence on (e.g. final decision)?
• Who needs what we have to offer?
• Who understands our message?
• etc

Once we've answered the WHO-questions we're ready to build a good relationship with the right people.

Next time I'll say more about the third level of communication where we move into HOW by more closely scrutinizing words and phrases. This is when language -- finally -- begins to matter. What traditional sales training usually tends to focus on as "the real deal", The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success merely lists as number three and of least importance.