The longer I'm in sales, the more I become convinced that "innovation" is its closest sibling (at least in bigger, complex sales). I'm guessing you probably have the same experience. I'd love to hear what you think about it!

Today I got involved in a discussion on LinkedIn that asked about - what was it again..? Let me find the link... here it is. The question was about how even the best products or services fail, i.e. a limited number of buyers will generate poor revenue. My input was basically that it's the business model that determines whether or not we succeed (referring to David Chesbrough's book "Open Innovation"). The business model powerfully affects company culture and EVERYTHING that has to do with Innovation. If you put a lid on innovation - in any shape or form - goodbye to sales success!

I've experienced this so many times. What connects us most as humans, is when we create something together. It doesn't have to be something tangible per se. The keyword is "create", which is something I call "the stuff between heads". So, the next time you're in a sales call with a client, a partner or even with someone you just need to convince about something... If you don't want to make things too complicated, maybe the best way to go about it is to simply abdicate the know-it-all-role and recognize; "maybe I don't have all the answers - in fact, maybe I hardly know anything?" The result... the other person(s) will rise to the occasion and start giving creative input, which otherwise would never have been the case, had you dictated the conversation and direction of the dialog. (Everybody knows this, I guess! BUT, to actually DO it is something quite different.)

Looking back on my childhood, my parents did a great job at this. Sometimes they would turn to us, and just ask a question - maybe to this effect: "How on earth are we going to do this..?" or "I've been thinking about this for such a long time. What do you think..?" And here's the thought I wanted to share: My mom and dad would be 100% sincere about it. They didn't feel they had an answer and thus truly believed that we could come up with something far better. And you know what? We did! They stretched us far beyond the capabilities and limits we thought we had. And then comes the real miracle and energy in this thing: As children we respect them so much more exactly because of this than we would had they simply told us what to do (...being "experts", which hardly generates the same kind of respect).

The ownership, commitment and enthusiasm that grows out of this is what selling is all about, I believe... It strengthens the SBP atmosphere. There's probably only one way; it needs to be sincere. What do you think? Would you agree? Maybe there's much more to it? In any case; in many ways my parents were the ones to teach me that the best answers are "between heads". They taught me innovation. They didn't say it - they lived it.

Why is sales theory so superficial or shallow on the topic of push and pull? Did you ever think about that? I believe a lot of people know there's got to be more to it!

It's not a matter of push and pull only, but rather a deeper understanding of human interaction - I think. While building the eZ Systems sales force I emphasized to colleagues and partners the importance of SPP = SBP. It's always interesting to see when someone suddenly grasps the concept - it's almost as if a light switch is turned on inside; "Ah, NOW I get it", and then their behavior automatically leaps from good to excellent. And I'm not being modest. Even though it's a simple principle, most sales people don't really understand the depth that SBP provides to how we can interact with others.

If you've read the article, you may appreciate the next few paragraphs - if you didn't read it, I'm afraid reading the rest of this blog post could be like skipping dinner and going straight for dessert or "the sweet"...

I have five kids. I love them dearly and my hugging them is an absolute all-time favorite activity! But what happens when I impose my hugging on them? Everyone has experienced this and knows what happens. The tighter you squeeze someone, the harder humans will fight to be freed (...even when "love" is the initial driver!!). Robbing someone of their freedom is an absolute guarantee of antagonism. It seems to be deeply embedded into our system.

Right now I have my youngest daughter sitting on my lap. She came, just now. When she wants a hug, her desire for that cuddling is just as powerful as the antagonism would be if I came to steal a hug. Now, isn't that interesting?! Even my putting her aside to finish this blog post just makes her want that time together with dad even more. My wife takes over... Now my daughter is calling for me; "daddy" - almost in despair. You gotta love it! I'll have to go and pay her that special attention... (before I wrap up here ;-)

OK, back again.

Selling is not deciding for others. People will make their own decisions. Selling is not about coercion. The slightest hint of force or imposing our will on others is detected immediately - and most of all by our subconsciousness - which affects subconscious antagonistic impulses, feelings and decisions. Compulsion is part of those invisible negative communicative energies - it hampers connective powers. That's what happened when I went to buy those shoes, remember? I didn't even understand my own mind and behavior until later. Did you ever experience something similar?

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Don't you think it's strange? During all my training received as a sales professional, not once did anyone teach me anything about ethics or morals, about being honest and true. Maybe I should be led to believe it was always assumed that I am?

I've known so many sales people with inconsistent behavior - I've witnessed so many sad stories of colleagues that made budgets and won battles but lost the war. Too many do not know why and how one should apply basic principles to build long lasting results.

I've always been puzzled by the fact that sales models, programs and blueprints never could "fix" a person's value system. Whereas to me, every new theory and model reinforces the relevance of integrity, some of my peers seem to be more focused on discovering "how to more effectively trick others into another purchasing trap". Maybe that's putting it a little too bluntly, but the underlying concept is the same - "how to make others do what you want them to do".

Wouldn't it be great with a new pair of "sales spectacles" that gives every sales model a healthy perspective in the mind of a sales person? Well, I've worked at it for 7 years now, and do you know what I find? Ground breaking principles and discoveries, but most of all more questions, fewer answers and to make it worse - a stronger desire than ever to figure it out ;-) Help me, would you?

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People keep saying body language is so important.

Sure it is. In fact, it's pretty much everything! But follow this basic thinking - then tell me what you think... I believe it was Emerson who said (paraphrased) "I can't hear what you're saying because your actions scream too loud..." Even though it's a great quote, I still think it only brings us one step closer to the core of the matter. If what we do is in contradiction with what we say, our actions do undoubtedly speak louder than words. However, we have to dig deeper if we want to get to the real issue.

Let's consider a simple example to illustrate: Suppose we're in the store buying something to drink, e.g. orange juice. The packaging says "Orange Juice". Once we get home and open up the container, we pour ourselves something to drink. The color is, as we would expect, orange. The juice is nice and cold, but as we empty the glass we begin to realize that something is wrong. The drink, even though everything indicates orange juice, tastes apple juice. Someone tried to frame us - quite literally - our drink is apple juice, but artificial packaging and coloring initially made us believe we were getting something else.

Likewise, over time, truth will prevail! Deceitful marketing with words like "orange juice packaging" will eventually be found out and backfire. Even when we open up and look inside we may find body language like "orange juice color", but why sweat the "orange juice effort" when the taste will reveal apple juice regardless how much we try.

I'm so convinced; it's not what we say, neither is it what we do or "behave" that matters. It's what we have inside that comes through the "communicative cracks" and becomes the message. Even someone that "walks the talk" can be insincere and a knowing one.

Body language is not the object - it's not even the tool. Body language is the result of true feelings and perspectives we have inside. Over time, not even the best of actors can hide their deepest passions. Our true feelings will ultimately still shine through and become the essence of the message. I like to call it energy - communicative energy. And this is when the subject gets exciting; energy not only speaks the loudest of all - it's what we pass on to others - almost like an "apple odor" that others can enjoy (cf example above). In that case, we'd better make sure we share an "apple message" and not outdated "orange juice."

It's time to move beyond body language, folks! Don't you think..?

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If we want to reach others we need to balance energy (sending out signals) and sensitivity (picking up inbound signals). What does this mean and how does it work in real life?

The balance between energy and sensitivity is summed up in two basic concepts:

1. Selling Buying Pleasure (SBP)
2. Selling Product Pleasure (SPP)

These two need to stay balanced if we are to succeed in any persuasive effort. Here's a story to illustrate the importance of SBP=SPP.

							I once went into the shop to buy shoes. Before I entered I already had a specific pair in mind, or at least the type of shoes I wanted. Once I came inside and had a look around I was soon approached by a pleasantly smiling lady, willing to help me with whatever I needed. She assisted me in trying on a great variety of shoes. Soon, however, I found myself not comfortable and decided to leave the store. What in the world just happened, I thought? Didn't I already decide I was going to buy my shoes here? (I'd done so many times before!)

It wasn't until years later that for some reason the incident came back to me - when a dear friend of mine pointed out a simple but important aspect of buying and selling. He said: "You know, people love to buy, but they hate being sold to". Looking back I suddenly realized, that's exactly what happened. The lady in the store was service minded - her intentions, I'm sure, were noble and all - but her eager approach and "too much" attitude simply put me off.

I believe "the perfect sale" at least must have that one element in it - the maintaining of the buyer's desire to buy, not to be sold to.

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I have so much to learn, and especially when I'm with others I find this reinforced time and time again. How easy it is to just make a slip of the tongue and blow what you've spent hours and weeks - even years - to build.

A good friend of mine said it so well: "It's like growing flowers, but every once in a while you decide to take a few steps in the flowerbed and walk around." Everyone knows flowers don't grow well if you step on 'em. Yet, we decide to step on others even more than just once or twice, and without blinking our eyes.

Of course, the social world of mutual relationships is a lot more subtle - and controlling our feet is probably a lot easier than taking charge of our mouth. But what is it that makes it so hard? Why is communication so extremely challenging?

Maybe it is because our mind and mental capacity is so much bigger than what words alone can express? When we're together with other people, the message we communicate is not in words alone. We know that! Some people say it's "body language", but I doubt that's even sufficient. There's much more to it. I call it energy. What would you call it?

In spite of the fact that no one is perfect, I still believe in the "perfect sale". And somehow that perfect sale has an almost indescribable energy to it, that I feel needs to be defined.

Actually, I believe I've been there many times. Not because I'm good at selling, not because the customer wants to accommodate me and also NOT because the product or service was perfect. What is it that brought us to that magic moment?

...and why should we care? Well. Imagine if we could apply the same principles - the same sweat and tears - in all settings. What if we could raise our marriage to new levels, family relationships, friends... every meaningful relationship. What if we discovered new powerful ways to tap into each others brains and emotions? That would really be something!

Every time I experience good communication I feel that desire for more. Do you know what I mean?