If you want to truly connect with people and become influential, you need to master what we call the Opinional Dialog. A lot of sales people believe Connection is about building rapport. Well, it certainly is a lot more than that. How do we start connecting the right way?

In -- any type of conversation -- communication takes place on at least three levels. We refer to these three levels of communication as dialogs. For a conversation to be successful each of these dialogs need to be running in sync, i.e. they need to carry messages that are aligned with each other - they need to correspond. If they don't correspond, the other person will be hearing conflicting signals. When we send out conflicting signals influential power is lost.

One of these three dialogs is the Opinional Dialog, which is foundational to establishing efffective connections.

Three levels of communication each unleashing energy through which information flows

As the above model illustrates the Opinional Dialog is the type of dialog that makes up the second level. This means that it's dependent on the first level - the Operational Dialog - which precedes it. What does this mean? Simply put, one cannot really have a good second level dialog without having the first level dialog in place. Why?

...because the 3E levels deal with:

1. What both parties perceive about your POSITION (level 1)
2. Who you TRUST and who they TRUST (level 2)
3. How WORDS and SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES run in sync with position and trust (level 3)

Let's quickly illustrate with an extremely simplified example:

What you've just communicated to Peter may be heard and perceived by him as: "You're ranking higher than me - being equal to Bob, my superior. However, you consider me an important part of solving the problems Bob wants to have solved."

In other words, whatever you say after this may more easily allow you to establish a relationship with Peter because he's open and ready to listen. We're aiming for higher communication levels where it's safer to exchange feelings and honest opinions. That's the basic paradigm of the Opinional Dialog. It's where opinions are freely exchanged without manipulation.

Note the basic principle of how communication on one level necessarily precedes another.

To summarize: Operational Dialogs (level 1) lead to Passion, meaning it triggers a sincere interest and opens up the other channels of Connection and Intuition. Therefore, before Connection can be established Passion first needs to be in place. If we try to change the order, building a relationship of trust will be very difficult to do.

Asking WHO

The Opinional Dialog is about asking and working with WHO:

• Who has influence on (e.g. final decision)?
• Who needs what we have to offer?
• Who understands our message?
• etc

Once we've answered the WHO-questions we're ready to build a good relationship with the right people.

Next time I'll say more about the third level of communication where we move into HOW by more closely scrutinizing words and phrases. This is when language -- finally -- begins to matter. What traditional sales training usually tends to focus on as "the real deal", The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success merely lists as number three and of least importance.