Body language is not the object - not even the tool
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People keep saying body language is so important.
Sure it is. In fact, it's pretty much everything! But follow this basic thinking - then tell me what you think... I believe it was Emerson who said (paraphrased) "I can't hear what you're saying because your actions scream too loud..." Even though it's a great quote, I still think it only brings us one step closer to the core of the matter. If what we do is in contradiction with what we say, our actions do undoubtedly speak louder than words. However, we have to dig deeper if we want to get to the real issue.
Let's consider a simple example to illustrate: Suppose we're in the store buying something to drink, e.g. orange juice. The packaging says "Orange Juice". Once we get home and open up the container, we pour ourselves something to drink. The color is, as we would expect, orange. The juice is nice and cold, but as we empty the glass we begin to realize that something is wrong. The drink, even though everything indicates orange juice, tastes apple juice. Someone tried to frame us - quite literally - our drink is apple juice, but artificial packaging and coloring initially made us believe we were getting something else.
Likewise, over time, truth will prevail! Deceitful marketing with words like "orange juice packaging" will eventually be found out and backfire. Even when we open up and look inside we may find body language like "orange juice color", but why sweat the "orange juice effort" when the taste will reveal apple juice regardless how much we try.
I'm so convinced; it's not what we say, neither is it what we do or "behave" that matters. It's what we have inside that comes through the "communicative cracks" and becomes the message. Even someone that "walks the talk" can be insincere and a knowing one.
Body language is not the object - it's not even the tool. Body language is the result of true feelings and perspectives we have inside. Over time, not even the best of actors can hide their deepest passions. Our true feelings will ultimately still shine through and become the essence of the message. I like to call it energy - communicative energy. And this is when the subject gets exciting; energy not only speaks the loudest of all - it's what we pass on to others - almost like an "apple odor" that others can enjoy (cf example above). In that case, we'd better make sure we share an "apple message" and not outdated "orange juice."
It's time to move beyond body language, folks! Don't you think..?
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