Last month I did a quick webcast on This is Selling. If you look closely you'll find that a complete summary on selling is grouped into three areas. If you focus on all three, you'll discover that your skills begin to work as they should.

Regardless of what topic or expertise within sales you are looking into, it will always be one of the following three: Context (WHAT) Feelings (WHO) Technique (HOW) Whatever you say and do it will be perceived by others in three perspectives: (1) The context in which you say it, (2) the feelings behind what is being said and heard, and (3) the way you say it (i.e. technique or method). Consequently, to influence others, these three perspectives will decide your degree of success. All three of them!

Focusing only on technique is less effective

Context, feelings and technique are basic principles of communication. Context is WHAT you do to create the best possible setting and position. Feelings is WHO you talk with and the emotions you are filled with. Technique is HOW you say it and when.

These three areas are numbered because context outweighs feelings, and feelings in turn are more dominant than technique. Without context and feelings in place technique suffers. People often want to challenge the order of this, but without exception they fail.

Sales technique is not even secondary

Let's be very clear, especially because it really is this simple: Technique helps, but fails when feelings stand in the way. Also, feelings are powerful, but ultimately must give way to context and the bigger picture. If you want to influence others, even influence influential people, first work on context - your position, secondly work with feelings - your relationship with others, and thirdly practice technique - say it right and at the right time.

Remember this, unfortunately most sales training is aimed at technique only. Yes, technique indeed is poor out there, and technique is also mostly weak on a stand-alone basis. The deciding factor that gives technique real power is when context and feelings are taken care of first.

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It's not really a big secret. I've seen people work a lot harder for a little recognition than for bonuses and money. And get this, money doesn't always motivate, but recognition - when given the right way - is a sure winner. On a scale from 1 to 10, recognition may not be a 10, but it clearly scores higher and more accurately than monetary rewards. Where does that leave us?

Last week I asked: Is recognition from others important? The poll quickly returned 43 responses, giving us the following statistics:

The outcome was in fact highly predictable. In round numbers, only 13% believe it's "not critical" and 4% believe it's "not important". However, I was anxious to know more about the group of people who believe recognition does matter. What I wanted to test was: How many are maybe "cynically" inclined to consider recognition as merely a tool to increase performance, getting what they want from others..? as opposed to, how many actually acknowledge our deep need for recognition as humans?

Recognition is not just what you say

Recognition only comes across when it's sincere - everybody knows that - quite intuitively so. When trust is low, talk's cheap. What you say has no real power. However, what logically follows, most people tend to forget; recognition is not so much what you say, but ten times doubly more so what you behave. And what messages do we pass on through our behavior? You're right again - it's emotional - what we truly feel inside is what comes across. What does this mean?

Recognition is not how they feel, but how you feel

It means, when we feel good about someone, we automatically behave in such a way that those positive feelings are conveyed to that other person. Whatever you decide to call it - body language, atmosphere, chemistry... The question isn't "how can I help that other person feel good about him or herself". It's completely the other way around: "How can I feel good about that person, in such a way that I will communicate on the subliminal level messages that support what that person already perceives about him or herself; that he or she is a valuable person with great talents and abilities"? In short, how can I work with my own feelings to be filled with postive emotions toward that particular person?

Recognition strikes when it underscores a positive self image

To obtain such a required change (and really - it's the only way), we need to be sensitive to how the other person perceives him or herself - to see and understand their world. It's not logical, it's psychological. We need to interpret people more correctly, i.e. see their behavior and performance from their point of view.

You see, that's what recognition is. Recognition is not you telling them something they didn't know. No, recognition is finding in others what they long before recognized about themselves already. That need to be recognized by someone else for who they believe they are and what they are truly capable of is the reassurance they seek in others to prove to themselves that they were right about "the I am" all along. All people have kind of an internal struggle and conversation going on inside, saying "I'm good, I'm great, I can do this..." When their surroundings agree with what they believe about themselves, then it must be true... and behavior to prove it follows. That's when recognition hits home; when people not only pick up your positive message, but when they actually believe in it themselves.

We need to help answer the deepest questions that are most important to people: Whether they matter, whether or not they are important and give them reassurance that they are valuable, that they have purpose and that they can make a difference. If you do that, then people will love and respect you. That's when you release energy in such a way that performance outperforms what the critics thought was impossible.

My hope is that managers and leaders of businesses will not only artificially supply their employees and colleagues with insincere compliments, but that they will understand the deep needs that they can fulfill in others. Recognition is not just a compliment - recognition not only can make a big difference in performance. Recognition can make a difference for life!

...or better yet: How important is it to be recognized by someone senior to yourself? It could be your parents, your boss, someone you admire, a renowned expert, in the media, on the web or simply by a crowd of people that knows who you are and with whom you spend much of your time?

That's what this quick poll is about. Provided you're a LinkedIn user already, this will only take three clicks to respond to.

See what others have said about the importance of recognition and check if your respons is in line with the majority of people "out there".

I can tell you what your problem is...

Whatever challenge you face, it begins and ends with your degree of influence. When you fail it is because you are not quite as influential as you need to be. On the other hand, when you succeed it is because you exercised influence to such a degree that things fell into place. There's really nothing more to be said. Influence is what it's all about!

So what is influence and how do you get it, or rather, how do you exercise and increase it?

Of course, there's no simple answer to this paramount question. Yet, there is a lot be learned and when we understand some basic principles, influence may dramatically increase and help us accomplish great results. First, it's important to see how influence operates on three levels:

1. Personal
   • Personal influence (i.e. productive ability) results in private victories.
2. Interpersonal
   • Interpersonal influence (i.e. persuasive ability) results in public victories.
3. Intergenerational (or systematical)
   • Intergenerational influence (i.e. sensitive ability) results in historic and permanent victories (breaking with old patterns.)

										The ultimate kind of influence seems to be somehow evidenced by "an improvement in the subsequent generation(s)".   Consider for a moment people who have changed the course of history. Whereas not all of them left a name and fame for good, we may learn significant lessons from what they did. Two characteristics stand out:
Chores: Washing the car or affecting a clean mind?

1) We usually tend to quite easily class them as either heroes or traitors. 2) Not all heroes are recognized by the masses, but they each have a faithful following.

Lessons to be learned..? All influence represents the sowing of a seed and eventually the fruits are judged by those who witness them as either good or bad. Also, not all good influence is recognized by many, but they always affect a growing awareness by those who enjoy the fruits.

Note: If intergenerational influence, the highest form of influence, is anything remotely close to success - the real and lasting success of life - then success may not be what you initially think it is.

For this reason we provide our fast growing community with an understanding of the 3 Energies to:

• help you more successfully reach others with a message
  ...when selling, influencing, negotiating, mediating, counseling - in short, effective influence in every setting.

• avoid quick-fix techniques and manipulation
  Since it's possible and tempting to abuse (persuasive) power we help influential people to understand that true and lasting - long term - persuasion, indeed conviction, is dependent on applying correct principles.

• bring structure to all existing sales models and theories to get to action
  Thousands of books and hundreds of sales models can each increase performance, but with the big picture in place we visualize and clarify actionable principles. Theory is nothing! Action is everything! But power to execute does, however, come from healthy and sound theory.

• leverage excellence by liberating individual and collective talent
  The most frightening loss in sales people is the lack of personal talent and energy. What does it take to remove the barriers that keep individuals and teams from blossoming and bring out what they already have inside?

Conclusion

The highest form of influence is filled with purpose and consequently is the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of interaction. The most powerful influence always enters the scene when we work on the highest and third level:

Just like when children doing their chores are building a character more than doing whatever else they do, everything we do can have a higher, more rewarding purpose and lasting effect. Ask yourself: How can I influence others to achieve a more honorable objective? How can we influence influential people by not just selling to make a living, but mastering influence to make a life ...one person at a time?

Influence is energy. In turn, energy can be divided into three different kinds. The 3E blog is about The 3 Energies which explain the one thing that really matters - INFLUENCE.

Principles are often best shared by means of a story or analogy. Here's one that offers depth to the value of individuals and how the fruits of networking are but a fringe benefit of what really matters: Caring for others!

Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. "Pardon, O King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?" The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go.

Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap. Tied down by strong ropes the Mouse heard the Lion's roar. Coming to its rescue and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, immediately it went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.

When freed, the Mouse said to the Lion: "You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me no repayment for your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."

From a sales perspective, Aesop provides us with a great number of lessons. Some of these may be:

• Never abuse power when you are in a position to do so. Only realize your position allows you to offer mercy you yourself need more than whoever you are offering it to.

• Never be intimidated by the power or authority of others. Only realize that some time in the future roles may be reversed.

• People have value regardless of who they are. Positions have no impact on success in the long run,

• ...but you never know who's who around the next bend.

• Ignore every indication of relative importance among humans,

• ...but maintain a clear view of how the world around you perceives rank and importance.

It is when you rise above, that you begin to grow your ability to influence influential people, becoming one yourself.

I found a charming multimedia presentation on the Lion and the mouse fable. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did?

In June this year we began organizing what is now known as a worldwide group of Elite Sales Professionals. Today we are more than 1.000 high performers and a powerful group of competent people. LinkedIn serves as the initial connection and meeting point, but it will soon be complimented by smart online solutions. These solutions will allow members three basic privileges:

• An evolutionary collaboration model for tipping-point results
• A network of quality people to visualize business opportunities
• An online framework to innovate new money generation activities

The current group definition reads: "High performing sales people with experience in strategy and positioning, network and relations as well as pure skills and customer centric concepts such as innovation and product development. Trustworthy and competent professionals able to create value balancing people with business and money."

Once we've reached critical mass and the beta versions of the online solutions are in place, the Expert Panel behind this group will introduce a second round of qualification. This is when we'll experience the long planned "explosion" of the quality network we're only witnessing the small beginnings of today. Let me assure you; the Expert Panel is not without ambition with this worldwide undertaking! (And yes, the Expert Panel is yet to be formally introduced.)

Intuition is the ability to act without reasoning AND harvest a successful, sometimes predictable, outcome. Intuition is knowing how to act without necessarily being able to explain why. Intuition can be the tiniest inkling, but at the same time a powerful urge, and when suppressed it will leave you feeling imbalanced and out of place. Intuition is natural talent and can almost have similar characteristics as that of a reflex. Intuition is the principle of personal power in that it belongs to you, being almost like a protective force as well as giving you an edge on your surroundings. Fight intuition and you'll lose. Nurture intuition and you'll grow, you'll learn and above all you'll be victorious.

Is intuition a mystery? Sure it is. But, however mystical it might be, it still remains a fact. There are a lot of things that are hard to explain, but we still know they are real. Intuition is real. You're asking: How do you know, Vidar? Well, I've "tasted" it. I've acted on it, and I've taught others to do so, and do you know what I've found..? Intuition never fails. It's like an inner compass that points out the way and energizes everything we do.

Why is intuition important?

I always emphasize intuition during training sessions. One important reason for this is because intuition frees up talent. Each one of us does things differently. Sales models often specify behavior too much. If a sales model is not focused around generic principles it tends to limit a persons freedom to employ talent - which all of us have in abundance. By focusing on principles, individuals can apply them whichever way they want.

But even in this, intuition is not completely defined. Intuition has the amazing capacity to instantly and without warning also help us discover new principles - while on the go. And beat this; intuition especially uncovers those specific principles YOU have a unique gift to wield in battle. Any one particular "style" may be almost impossible for one person to adopt, but might beautifully fit another, almost like the size of a shoe. This fit usually takes place when two conditions are first in place:

• When we learn what needs to be learned about basics
• When we make a special effort to succeed - we move through frustration and exert ourselves beyond our comfort zone

My advice: Learn from others, but apply that same learning your way! Your inner compass will tell you how.

Intuition can be a powerful ally when applied correctly. However, sometimes intuition is mixed up with "whatever comes natural" in such a way that it hurts more than it does good. Yes, intuition is closely linked to natural response. Still, intuition is not doing what we feel like doing, rather it is doing what we know we should be doing. Let me illustrate the difference with a personal experience:

								Recently, one of my daughters really got on my nerves. You know how it is. Even the best people can sometimes just step on your toes, and not even sense it. Only, this time she stepped unawares on the toes of someone else. "My entire me" screamed for justice. I felt every reason to intervene, and I did it in such a way that I felt bad afterwards. There was this subtle misgiving in my chest saying: "You know something is wrong now. You should offer an apology and say you're sorry." My mental reply was "...but she needs to be told" and "I'm only helping her...", but that voice was still ringing in my ears.

Intuition summarized

The natural response was to intervene and solve the matter. The natural response was to argue with my conscience. The natural response was to maintain my ego. Intuition, however, kept me in the right way. I guess, intuition also might have made me intervene, but had I paused and listened, I'm sure I would have found a better way. Intuition always does! Intuition is about not moving too fast ahead, but listening as we go about our daily business.

Intuition is doing it your way, but also the right way. It's realizing that the right way can indeed be different from one person to another. It highlights you - who you are and what your are. In short, intuition is the way in which you are your best self. What a major difference intuition makes!

What's energation? Energation is the combination of energy and communication (, but also a lot more than that). Here's an experience I had with this highest level of communication just recently:

Yesterday I was part of a meeting with a lot of energy. Said one of the participants towards the end: "This has been a wonderful meeting. I've had to go to the toilet for a long time, and even now, I just don't want to leave the room".   What a great example to illustrate what energation is. There's more to such meetings than just the purpose of the meeting itself. Each time we reach energation, simply being together and experiencing the energy and communication bond with others is a reward alone. We feel heard, understood, validated and important. We've stretched and shared something personal. We open up - maybe we cried. We reach for something beyond the ordinary and trigger emotions and feelings that we experience together. We come alive and communicate the way communication should be.

Energation is life! There are three energies that make it happen: Passion - Connection - Intuition!

The greatest mystery of influence lies in how it increases and lasts only when applied unselfishly and altruistically.   Whereas it seems that manipulation, tricks and techniques, "politics", short term power fights and corruption all pay off, the paradigm of "seeds and fruits" always provides the same answer: Everything we do backfires. The recoil may not be instant as with a gun, but what we do always comes back at us eventually.   H. David Burton recently shared a beautiful quote, which really nails it:

Fireman helping old lady, Seminole USA.

Of course, nothing "disappears" - not even what we do "for ourselves", but the things we do for others seem to give added influential powers. My long time partner and friend, Bård Stranheim, lives by a wonderful principle, which he phrases like this:

In today's business environment there seems to be an increasing belief that "graciously caring for others" is not compatible with success. Our research clearly shows the opposite; that those individuals and companies who aim for both short term and long term success need the above stated value firmly rooted in their system, otherwise they'll always fail long term and quite frequently short term, too.

Simply put, influence increases when we apply it to make the world "a better place" and decreases when what we do is centered around our own selfish interests. You may call it religious. I call it a durable principle and indisputable fact. If we apply it, then it works in our favor - if we don't it works against us. Such is the true source and nature of real influence.