Clients, just like small children and toddlers, have a crying engine that sometimes needs to run for a while before we reach the heartier matters - the stuff that really makes a difference and that defines customer needs. It's not necessarily logical, but it certainly is psychological.
Did you ever witness a child crying for a long time? And then, when you offer your comfort and help, the child is simply unable to stop crying for quite a while. Even several minutes after the crying has "officially" stopped, the child is still experiencing periodic and uncontrolled sobbing. This phenomenon is what I refer to as "the crying engine".
Crying Remains the Same
What does this have to do with influence and sales?
Grown-ups are experiencing much of the same feelings in many ways. We may not frequently let it all out in as easily a recognizable pattern as public crying, but the process and the pain is exactly the same. Effective sales people allow the client to go through that process - gently - both the growing awareness of pain moving down to the heart as well as the resolving of deep feelings of hurt and disappointment moving up and out. The concluding result is wonderful. The other person experiences great relief, which is a reward in itself, I feel! The bonus is that your odds of making a sale quadruples, if not much more.
Mind you, the old school of "problem and pain questions" is a solid and good one, but supposing that all customers need help like that is of course taking it much too far and will only lead to miscommunication in so many cases. This is one of several good reasons why of all the different sales systems I appreciate the flexible approach of "Helping Clients Succeed" by Franklin Covey so much.
Of all self defeating behaviors, the worst stain must be the illusion of change - the fact that most of us remain in old and ingrown patterns and either don't know it or don't believe we do. Real change is slow, rarely found and a tough, honest and soul searching process when it occurs.
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Many years ago I studied the work of Robert E. Hardy on Self Defeating Behaviors (SDBs). Simply put, we tend to establish and maintain patterns, even those patterns that are self destructive. To begin with, that particular pattern or behavior served to help or protect us (which is why we established it), but when circumstances change and people mature, and because our approach is not principle based, it now hurts us, bars our way and keeps us from reaching new goals and higher levels of achievement. In other words, we hang on to patterns of behavior even though they don't treat us well. | ||||
Here's the bad news: We're all deeply entrenched in many self defeating behaviors. Most of them are hard to recognize. Many of them are difficult to admit to. Some are obvious and we hate to face them for what they really are. The good news is: We can eliminate SDBs, if we're willing to face them and deal with them.
Can you think of a self defeating behavior you're suffering from? How would you like to get rid of it?
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Well, there certainly is no quick and easy answer to such a big and important question. However, for the sake of briefly introducing you to what matters most and how you can make it happen for real, here's what you should be looking into:
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These three; Passion, Connection and Intuition represent a proven process for change, improvement and greater influence in the lives of the people around us, just to name a few benefits. You want this. You may not know it yet. However, sooner or later you'll find that success in any area inevitably will bring you to visit each of these three areas. Why not apply simple wisdom and humility by learning more, right now?
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